sotobas_lot | PSL - To give better title later.

PSL - To give better title later.

The shriek ringing through the clinic demanded an urgency that one Ozaki Toshio just couldn't seem to muster. That probably made it a good thing it was inorganic, or he'd have been even more disqualified from calling himself a doctor than he had felt at the time. Hell, the doctor himself was feeling less and less organic, more and more mechanical. It was probably that mechanical element that had him answering the phone; the human, meaty part of his brain saw no logic in answering that phone, no benefit. Another death notice, maybe? Another failure? Another missing person? Another problem he couldn't solve? But on the most basic, lower-brain level, a person answered a ringing phone. So it was off of the receiver before he could think better of it.

Staring into the mouthpiece, he had to suddenly awaken from his autopilot haze to realize he'd picked it up. He had to consciously remember the next step. What did one do with a phone? Right, right. They spoke.

"Ozaki Clinic," he answered, after that unnatural pause, itself coming after an unnaturally long ring that might have left the caller about as surprised at Ozaki picking up as he was at himself for doing so.

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The familiar voice on the other end was tainted with a less pleasant familiarity, a soft, dry whispering tone too much like those beset with the 'epidemic' that had defined the town for the past four months. Seishin had called him for help before, but he had usually sounded more... well, as if he had actually wanted the help. As if he cared about what had happened.

In the pause before there was any more information, he absently found that more human part of him on the verge of asking if this was one of those 'it's me, it's me' scam calls; if Seishin were now under their control, even if it was physically him, it'd be about the same as someone pretending to be him, wouldn't it?

But then the explanation came and it was... more detailed than the half heated resignations or transfer notices. He'd give it that.

"More than comfort?" His actual tone came through quickly enough, derision naked and nasal. "Are you asking me to treat her as a doctor?" He didn't give an opening long enough for an answer, driving on with an audible, dark sarcasm meant to hurt. "I thought you had some concerns about malpractice for how I handled Kyouko after she'd got caught up in it... You sure you want to trust me with anyone else?"

None of it was addressing the actual problem raised. But Ozaki Toshi was a man capable of at once spewing mindless vitriol and also processing an actual problem with the less emotional part of himself.

Megumi-chan; Shimizu Megumi, Shimo-Sotoba. Kaori... He couldn't place her, but probably a classmate. Dead parents. Missing brother. He could filter through the Shimo-Sotoba records and get familiar with the situation quickly enough. Even if it was a family that had started going to the Ebuchi Clinic, they were probably his patients before.

The information he was rifling through the filing cabinets for was as much for the sake of Whoeverwhoever Kaori as to see if this story held up, or if Seishin was luring him in now.

He'd just made such a fuss at the public office the day before. They were going to come for him. Maybe this was how. Countermeasures were in place, but it was always better to go into a situation overprepared rather than underprepared.

That was a lie he told himself, he realized. This was less about strategy and more wondering how trustworthy Seishin was.

And on a subconscious level, he probably realized it was less about trust and more wondering whether at this point he should consider Seishin alive or dead. If Seishin was not trustworthy, he was as good as dead. Despite their rift, he'd need a little more mental preparation for seeing him as dead rather than just perpetually estranged.

As expected, Toshio was angry with him. They hadn’t spoken once since he’d uncovered Kyouko-san’s corpse. There’d been a heated debate about just what constituted death, what a doctor’s obligation was to his patients (ignoring his role of husband in that particular instance), and they never had reached a satisfying conclusion. Toshio had correctly labeled Seishin a hypocrite because while he’d rather harshly criticized Toshio’s methods, he’d never once offered an acceptable alternative, a means for them to preserve the lives of both shiki and the villagers. Simply put...he was afraid to commit the mortal sin of murder. He didn’t wish to get his own hands dirty. Yes, Toshio had analyzed him correctly.

Had he not come to the clinic in the early hours of the 21st to collaborate with Toshio, to reach some compromise because the villagers’ distress could not be ignored even if Seishin was personally opposed to hunting the shiki? He’d pondered the matter deeply and had decided that humans must be the priority. There wasn’t a real choice. The answer was inherently obvious. Seishin was human and if he were to view the shikis' lives as equal to human lives that would be the same as transcending his own humanity. The humans would be rendered this ‘other’ entity. The shiki were a clear threat, a blatant enemy. If the humans didn’t kill them they in turn would be murdered. Extermination was inevitable. The only real question was who would be victorious.

Seishin had endeavored to steel his nerves, to come in with an open mind, discuss all possible solutions before determining if not the best course of action at least the lesser of two evils course of action. But then he’d found Toshio suturing Kyouko-san’s chest, a stake drenched with blood laying just above her pallid shoulder. It was a gruesome scene, the only small mercy being that Toshio had closed Kyouko-san’s eyes before Seishin had arrived.

Contemplating killing and being confronted with the brutality of the deed were two separate affairs. Toshio, a master of understatement, had merely remarked “it’s messy”, his typically pristine white coat marred with bright crimson splotches. He’d requested that Seishin wash his gown and he’d nodded dumbly, the two of them moving to the washing room, Toshio occupying the sole chair, lighting a cigarette while Seishin busied himself with detergent before their conversation began, one which quickly degenerated into a fierce argument which ended with Toshio dismissing him.

Ever since they were children, Toshio had never been one to make concessions. Even if both Seishin and Mikiyasu should protest, even if it was put to a vote and the two more cautious people agreed his plan was foolhardy, ludicrous, he’d just insist he’d go and do it without them. Seishin could act as breaks but he never could prevent Toshio from pursuing an avenue which had captured his interest no matter how detrimental said path was.

Toshio had insisted that he couldn’t let the contamination spread that he would hunt the shiki and that was his justice. If Seishin had a different viewpoint, Toshio had no time to listen to his criticisms. (Admittedly, time had been fairly limited since presumably Kyouko-san’s corpse would then decompose at a normal rate. There would be no reversal this time. Toshio did need to focus on making her appear presentable before reporting the death. And of course he’d need to thoroughly cleanse the operation room.)

Seishin couldn’t condone Toshi’s actions, his treatment of his patient, transforming his wife into a guinea pig. Perhaps if there had been more time...But as it was Seishin couldn’t so readily accept that Kyouko-san’s mutilated corpse was a necessity.

Accustomed to Toshio’s derision, Seishin wasn’t overly perturbed by the barbed question. While ruminating on precisely how he should answer his non-rhetorical query Toshio continued speaking, voice thick with sarcasm and contempt causing Seishin to wince. Seishin couldn’t imagine the experiments had been easy for Toshio. Even if their marriage was devoid of romantic sentiments, surely there was some degree of fondness for the woman he’d taken as his wife.

Which author was it that stated guilt was the most useless of human emotions, use it to learn the lesson and discard it? The name had slipped his mind but the point seemed rather poignant here. Kyouko-san was already dead (permanently this time). And Toshio had gleaned everything he could from her before ‘putting it back to sleep’. He wouldn’t need to repeat the experiment. Guilt would serve no real purpose. And yet...Seishin couldn’t help but perceive his friend as at least slightly callous for refusing to grieve for Kyouko-san, for seemingly burying all traces of remorse for what he’d done to her.

The seconds crawled by, Seishin’s shallow breathing the only indication that he was still on the line. “Kyouko-san isn’t the issue right now. If you have time to spare, if you weren’t satisfied with our last exchange then by all means we can continue the discussion,” he replied coldly, somewhat startled by the ire evident in his own voice.

“If memory serves you were the one who said you didn’t have time for it but this is a separate problem. Kaori-chan’s home isn’t safe and neither is the temple. You’ve been busy so I’m not sure if you've heard but my father’s gone missing and Ikebe-san has quit. I’ve invited Kaori-chan to spend the night here and what she needs isn’t a doctor. There doesn’t appear to be any external injuries, no insect bites or anything else. Her complexion is normal. She isn’t lethargic but simply fatigued and strained. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten what happened to Setsuko-san.”

Even though she’d been moved from her home to the clinic, she’d been targeted all the same. It would seem the shiki could be quite particular about their prey. If Kaori-chan had been designated as Megumi-chan’s meal it was reasonable to worry that she was a priority, someone they weren’t content to let escape.

Megumi-chan was Kaori-chan’s childhood friend. Did she miss her? Was that why Kaori-chan had been selected? But if that was the case, why would she feed on both of the girl’s parents first and possibly her younger brother? Kaori-chan was clearly frightened of Megumi-chan, someone she had every reason to believe was dead. Had Kaori-chan stumbled across the truth? Children were willing to believe much more readily than adults. Was she a target to ensure her silence?

“If you won’t come then I’ll have no choice but to protect her myself. I just thought that perhaps this case aligned with the justice you spoke of. Surely, you’re not so irritated with me that you would let an innocent child suffer.” If it came down to it, he still wasn’t certain he could kill a shiki even in self-defense even if faltering meant Kaori-chan would die. Toshio did not share Seishin’s reservations, his hesitancy.

This was different than the situation with Setsuko-san. Seishin and Toshio were more prepared. They understood precisely what they were up against and Kaori-chan was not hypnotized. If she were, she never would have come to Seishin not even for comfort. Kaori-chan would not thwart their efforts, remove protections, or struggle against them in any way. If Toshio were here, he would ensure her safety. Kaori-chan had approached Seishin. She was his immediate responsibility. Regardless of what he was willing or not willing to do with respect to the shiki, he wasn’t willing to abandon an orphan child in desperate need of assistance.

Edited 2022-04-05 19:08 (UTC)

This's why they have real pilots in the cockpit to fly the damn plane, because if you go on autopilot you end up in the entire mess that single first word that spills out the phone represents, a word in a voice that almost had him slamming it down. He can't actually hang up on and walk away from the rest of the village in its downward toilet spiral, he has to answer, has to play his god damned role, but if it's Seishin, does he have any remaining obligation? He at least has the right to walk away from the one walking away.

So to summarize, the word 'Kyoko-san ' in Seishin's voice, does not prime him well for the rest. The disclaimer she's not the issue that immediately follows doesn't soothe a damn thing. His hand moves and unbeknownst to Seishin who keeps on talking, about to put it down on the receiver. But if there's one thing that bothers him more than that concomitant dose of that word and that voice, it's the hypocrisy he now associates with it. Hanging up would be matching hypocrisy with hypocrisy.

If he had any inkling Seishin would have the balls to just call him right back (as he would have done if hung up on), he'd do it. Gritting his teeth, he pulls the phone back to his ear, just in time to hear 'I’ve invited Kaori-chan to spend the night here...' which makes it very convenient that most of his dialogue before that was briefing the situation he was already aware of.

Oh, he's not entirely sure why Kaori is there, or exactly who she is for that matter, but unless Seishin's picked up a girl suddenly, it's probably some Okiagari-orphaned kid. Now that the pilot's awake, his brain can piece together enough details while Seishin prattles at him about some moral responsibility.

He lets the silence hang, as if to see if Seishin has anything more to say. It's an empty passive aggression, if it's silence, Seishin is more patient and comfortable with it than he'd ever be.

"I'll come," he finally says with no discernable emotion, as if robotically responding to a house call. It's followed by a click, and a part of him childishly considers that he could've hung up without confirming he was coming, could have just shown up, but this is in fact a life or death situation. It'd behoove him to remain the adult in the room.

If Seishin were working with them, they wouldn't need to use him, to use any trick to come out and get him. If they wanted him dead, they'd have been able to do it a long time ago. If they need an in to brainwash him... Well, this'll be convenient either way. No matter how he frames it, it's his duty to go.

Unlike Seishin and his hidden woodland paths, the doctor's never had to sneak in anywhere. The Muroi family's been welcoming enough, even if it was usually Seishin visiting him instead of the reverse in spite of that. Though the temple grounds are pretty sparse (he missed the detail about Ikebe while being tempted to hand up), he places his bets that Seishin is in the temple office. He'll let himself in without a knock, looking around for him. Failing that, he might actually have to go to the housing part of the temple, where even his abysmal manners would require he knock. He doesn't want to knock. He doesn't want to respect Seishin's space.

But he does want to see him. Frustratingly. Kaori (Tanaka Kaori, he thinks he remembers during the trip) is a pretense.

Edited 2022-08-27 16:34 (UTC)

Toshio was...oddly silent. He couldn’t image that bode well for him. Of course Toshio was likely exhausted, both of them were. And Toshio had to be more sleep deprived than Seishin. Not only was Seishin more accustomed to longer nights (where his novel kept him up); but, Seishin had made no plans as to what to do about the shiki predicament. He’d taken no action. He couldn’t imagine the same was to be said of his friend who was bound and determined to rescue Sotoba at all costs. (But could it be saved? Was it already too late? And even if they could protect the remaining villagers, what should become of the shiki who were not entirely to blame for their actions. They shared the same basic aspirations as humans. They wished to be loved, cared for, and well fed.)

Still, Seishin couldn’t help but feel that Toshio’s reticence had less to do with fatigue and more to do with a childish passive aggressive demeanor. He was likely still bitter about the fact that his friend had failed to adequately support him, that he’d regarded his actions (however necessary) as something monstrous and distasteful. Seishin was only human. He believed that most people confronted with that butchery would balk at the prospect of hunting the shiki. Or...would they? Was Seishin perhaps an anomaly? Self preservation was meant to be a driving force. If coexistence was impossible then wouldn’t most people prioritize their safety and the safety of their families above all else?

At Toshio’s robotic “I’ll come”, utterly devoid of all feeling, Seishin didn’t know how to respond. Before he could voice his thanks Toshio had already hung up the phone. His best friend was coming, that was the crucial aspect. His manners or lack-there-of should not perturb Seishin and yet they did. He understood that Toshio was angry with him. Yes, he’d correctly deemed Seishin to be a hypocrite. Being completely alienated, Toshio had every right to feel discontented and even irate. However, it hadn’t been easy for Seishin to reach out to him so soon after their principles had clashed so severely. He certainly would have appreciated a more animated response or at least a longer one! Honestly, how did he even know that Toshio had been paying attention to him?! He didn’t and the idea that after struggling so much to bolster his courage, steel his nerves that Toshio had tuned him out was absolutely infuriating!

He tried to remind himself that hurt feelings were inconsequential. This wasn’t about him. This was about Tanaka Kaori who in his mind now represented the whole of Sotoba village. She was the very picture of an innocent distraught child, someone who would most assuredly be killed by the shiki if Toshio or himself failed to protect her. If they left her to her own devices, they would be responsible for her death and possibly her transformation if she was like Kyouko-san.

Well...Seishin’s concern should have begun and ended with Tanka Kaori; but, lamentably Seishin wasn’t so much of a hypocrite he was rendered incapable of reading his own desires. He missed his friend and not least of all because he was the only one Seishin could confide in about the shiki besides Sunako. (They rarely conversed about such topics. In fact he’d only broached the subject once, asking her if she was Abel.)

Toshio was always the one with a strong sense of direction. He knew what needed to be done and always found the will to achieve his goals. Seishin supposed at least a part of him was missing that firm resolve. He would like to be so confident and self assured. Well...perhaps he wouldn’t not if that meant drenching himself in the blood of the starving. Likely he was being unfair again. Surely even Toshio had to doubt the rightness of his cause. He couldn’t be unmoved by what he’d done to his wife. It wasn’t possible. He just couldn’t permit himself to reflect on his deeds, to scrutinize the lengths he would undertake in the name of justice. Toshio was skilled at the art of rationalization, avoiding introspection.

His phone call concluded (in a rather frustrating manner), Seishin returned to Kaori-chan to inform her that his friend was coming to visit, that he would help. He asked her if she would be alright waiting there for them since they had some private matters to discuss. After receiving her consent he immediately moved to his office since he spent more time there than his own room (considerably more time); and, he believed that was the first place Toshio would search for him. (It would also grant a modicum of privacy which wasn’t easy to come by even with fewer people assisting the temple these days.)

Opening the door to the office without knocking, his first guess is correct---if only because Seishin anticipated his first guest and sought to make it so. None the less, never one to be so modest as to be surprised at being right, still in his white coat, he does at least shift his feet to toe off his tennis shoes, looking around to see no signs of the girl whose name he might have been able to better confirm by seeing her face.

Which leaves him alone with Seishin, the man he hadn't seen since his wife's funeral and to whom he hadn't spoken to before even that. It speaks to the dire state of the village that it hadn't become a point of rumor that the two hadn't spoken in passing at that event that most of the village was honor bound to attend. They all had enough true, pressing terrors that the Ozaki and Murois not bothering with even passing pleasantries, much less their usual (Toshio driven) irreverence.

If they hadn't bothered to fake any degree of normalcy there, there's certainly no reason to here and now.

"Yo."

Such logic doesn't stop him.

It's tired, it's harsh, even carrying plenty of blame if Seishin can hear it in his voice, but it is also familiar, lacking any uncertainty.

Since Seishin couldn’t be certain when Toshio would arrive, he’d busied himself with sharpening the pencils he had been neglecting. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his novel. And even if he could, likely Toshio would interrupt him at a crucial moment. Once a train of thought was lost, it wasn’t easy to recollect. That was why he was in the habit of writing late at night when he knew he wouldn’t be disturbed as everyone else should be sleeping. (Although when he genuinely believed he had a break, some rare free time during the day, occasionally he would cloister himself in his office and hope for the best.)

Although he already had a dozen pencils in his pencil tray sharpened to perfect points, ready to be traded out with any whose tips became rounded by the time Toshio entered his office (without knocking naturally), he continued his work if only to occupy his fingers while he thought. Really..he had no idea where or how to begin. Toshio’s caustic “yo” certainly wasn’t providing him with either warmth or direction.

“Thank you for coming,” he replied, tone very much strained and on edge but not as dry or as brittle as it was on the phone. His words did carry some blame and judgment but not quite as much as Toshio’s. The fatigue was roughly even.

“Would you like some tea or coffee?” Unlike Toshio he did bother with basic courtesies.

"Coffee," he answers, leaning back on both hands and deciding to give himself a few moments to try to collect himself, as if he didn't have the entire trip up the hill to do so.

But now that he's actually in the room with Seishin again, suddenly the nihilist monk's thinking seems to make more sense, to be as familiar as the room, as the man himself. Of course Kyouko's dead, dissected body was a shock. Even if the man was often near corpses, he wasn't an undertaker, it never handled them. It was Ozaki Toshio who was touching still warm bodies, stripping them down at times, calculating just how long ago life had left, facing the nature of their demise as much as the result. Seishin, he thought, dealt in ideas. The first dead body he had to really contend with as more than a concept was Kyouko's, to him a Shiki rather than the human Kyouko.

He's no better than me, in that.

The two he had found in Yamairi had spooked him before there was anything as grave and pressing as their current situation. So when he thought of taking action, of kill or be killed, he thought of the 'tragedy' of dead Shiki, not the tragedy of dead humans that made the Shiki. And it's all very annoying and a part of him wants to lay into him all over again, but more to the point, a real, living, human victim sure to become a tangible human corpse had set themselves before him.

That is what it takes, isn't it? People need to be given no choice before they face this reality. Not taking a side is close enough to murder at this rate.

"You remember to feed the kid, too?" he finally asks. "She won't be in a state to think to ask for something."

Seishin couldn’t help but smile at Toshio’s choice of coffee even if the smile was thin and didn’t really touch his eyes. Tea was more relaxing, soothing and he didn’t imagine either of them had been drinking much of it recently. In a time of crisis (and what else could one consider this?), coffee was the drug relied upon for additional stamina. When they were pulling all nighters at the clinic they had most certainly kept the coffee maker busy.

Toshio didn’t seem any more eager than Seishin for a genuine conversation. (Well, they hadn’t spoken once since that awful morning when they’d argued about his treatment of Kyouko-san and his view of the shiki.) Even at Kyouko-san’s funeral they’d barely glanced at each other and although Seishin felt guilty for his silence at such a crucial time, offering condolences to someone who had killed their own wife after mercilessly experimenting upon her for...was it days? Seishin really didn’t wish to think about it. He hadn’t asked and he certainly wasn’t about to now. It had been made perfectly clear that their assessments of the shiki varied drastically.

Of course they did. Toshio hadn’t conversed with any of them for any length of time. Seishin had been the one to engage Sunako (or rather she’d targeted him, following him to his place of refuge much to his initial annoyance). He had also briefly talked to Mutou Tohru outside Yuuki Natsuno’s grave. Kyouko-san’s mouth had been taped shut when Seishin regarded her definitive corpse. He would guess Toshio had been unwilling to listen to her personal perspective.

After preparing the coffee, he’d returned with a mug for both of them, offering the one in his right hand for Toshio, awkwardly hovering nearby after he’d accepted it. “I gave her some tea and pastries. She did eat a few of them but perhaps I should have given her more than snacks.” Although Seishin had little experience cooking and it wasn’t yet dinner time so nothing more substantial was available. Hopefully the sweets would tide her over until supper was served.

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PSL - To give better title later.

no subject

Salty Sarcasm Meet Bitter Baiting

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Confrontation is Inevitable

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Tea Time

No, Coffee.

Re: No, Coffee.